EP 49: Accept, validate, suggest – a powerful tool for communication

How do you respectfully disagree with someone? Overcome “objections” in sales conversations? Tell a client that what they’re doing won’t work? Georgee presents a simple communication framework that works like magic.


Georgee: Go.
Patty: Whoo! Oh, Right! Hello! Welcome to Episode 49, the Georgee and Patty show.
Georgee: I am Georgee.
Patty: I am Patty.

Patty: super, super excited to see you here today on in, what is morning in British Columbia I understand it is sunny in the south. It is rainy and cloudy here in Prince Rupert, which is a big shock because it is rainy and cloudy here in Prince Rupert all the time.

So, today my delightful, intelligent, and insightful co-host this great to teach a special class just for me, about how to constructively have conversations with people that you might not agree with, that you might have some advice or feedback or an alternate perspective, you might want to tell them that they’re wrong. Or, not that ever happens with me except all the time. Super excited about what she has to say, and our quote of the day comes from now. This is the site that I have to. There is this site called www.pronouncenames.com

Georgee: Do you find that it is?

Patty: In case, you are not aware of this. Because when I saw this name, I had no idea.
Auliq, Auliq Ice. I hope that I am getting that right, and the quote:

Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out ~Auliq Ice

Which I suspect will have something to do with my partner’s presentation. With that, I will turn the stage over to her.

Georgee: what the great quotes. This is what we learned yesterday in our course is how to do applause on zoom. Otherwise known as spare fingers. It is going well it is going well. How to disagree with spirit fingers. All right, I am going to share my screen so that you can see what we are up to today.
Okay, so on the Georgee and Patty show today my computer is slowing a little bit. I was like, I’m not sure I can remember what the topic of this thing is, but we were calling it actually, I wish I learned this new thing yesterday so that I can see it better on my screen if I can find it.

How to effectively disagree with someone is a hot topic

Well, I do not know what it is now. Anyway, communication so how to effectively disagree with someone seems to be kind of a hot topic, I have actually it is interesting it is come up quite a bit this week.

Last week, I had a probably a three hour conversation with someone about exactly how to do this effectively. So, It was good, a good warm up now I can’t even speak so, that means but anyway, here we go. So, you have permission to have your opinion, and validate someone else’s. I find this comes up a lot where we get in a space of which I will talk about more as we go through this. You actually want me to validate an opinion, I might not agree with.

I am going to give you permission to do that. And I’m going to tell you how to do it too. So often weekly, I find that with clients and people I have been talking to over the last probably couple of months has come up a lot. This seems to be a real sticking point, and it can go into tons of different things with identity believes, that kind of thing but today, you’re going to get a permission slip to actually hold your own opinion and validate someone else’s if you choose to.

So when we think about communicating with people, you know, and we think about this problems or and in that I’m going to talk a lot about doing this kind of in sales conversation and with our clients, because that’s what we deal with a lot here. You know, it is always how do I handle their problems. How do I handle their questions?

How do I handle their objections?

And really, I want you to sort of shift your mindset a little bit and start thinking that problems are actually not problems, problems or problems or no problem, we got this, but how we handle problems, questions, objections, whatever you want to call it, is really, really a crucial matter.

So that’s what we’re going to talk about today, it’s often we think, if someone comes to us with an objection, or too many questions, we think, Oh my gosh, they’re just trying to create conflict between me and them.

But actually, that is not really, really true. If you’re having let’s say a sales conversation with Someone, even a conversation with a family member or someone that’s close to you, maybe your spouse or your partner, and if they are willing to actually start asking questions, you’re actually on the same side of the fence. It is when they stop talking; it is when they walk away, that then we actually have a bigger problem.

So, start to think about how; at least when they are engaging through questions, we are actually on the same side of the fence here. So, I want to review just parts of a sales conversation. This is not all the parts, but I want to get to the part that we are kind of handling here. So you may remember, however many shows ago when we were talking about sales conversations, that in that initial part, we are looking to discover someone’s motivation. So, sales conversation potential client, we’re looking to discover what’s motivating them, why are they there? What do they really want?

This also works very well with your friends, your family, and your partner

When we’re having to sit there having a conversation with you, they’re asking for things also when disagreements happen is, what is it that they want? What is motivating them to have this conversation with you?

Once we understand that, then we want to summarize that motivation so that we are on the same page. Oh, so if I hear you, right, you are really struggling with your weight. And what you’d really like is a way to lose 40 pounds. Oh, if I hear you, right, you really feel like we are not getting enough quality time together. And what you’d like is to have some more one on one time with me. Okay, are we on the same page? Do I understand where you are at?

Then I can present my service or my solution in relation to what is important to them. Oh, that is exactly what I do with my clients. I really helped you get rid of those last 40 pounds in a way that is going to be easy, effective, and work within your schedule. Oh, honey, I really hear you. Maybe we could get a babysitter two nights a week and go out for dinner for some one on one uninterrupted time. Once you have presented your solution or your service, here it comes now we are going to answer the questions. This is where the objections might come in. Well, I do not want to go out for dinner two nights a week. I said I want quality time, so, what we are going to go to a restaurant for two hours and just eat.

Okay, well, maybe you could tell me about what that plan looks like. Because, you know, I want something with exercise. I want something with a meal plan. Does you are Do you have any one on one support with this program? Questions? Right? I am not sure if just getting together once a week is really going to work. Objection, right. So, it’s all in how we look at these things. Well, in my experience how I have always done marketing is through talking to people. Yeah, I am not sure that is going to work for me, Georgee. I am not good with people. I do not like to talk to people. I am really more of an introvert. Okay, I get it. All right. So how do we handle these conversations when people come at us with things where especially, this is the methodology I use.

I really, really, I love NLP, everyone should do love NLP; I am not sure I want to try your method. Right? But, often we can think of those things as real objections, and we get stuck there because now my little soapbox comes up. I want to be right. So how do we move through this? So, most importantly, and I talked about this a lot is we really, really, really want to understand their model of the world. How do they see things? What are she really, really interested in? What does she really want? And how can I help her get what she wants? And what is what does she want to accomplish in this? Right? Okay, here comes my spouse again complaining about not having enough time together. Don’t they understand that I am just really busy ever going to work? But if I can take a step back and go, Okay, so tell me what is it that you really, really want? Why is this important to you? What Where is your level of interest here?

Right, I want to step into how they see things. Where are they coming from? How can I help you get what you want? I want to lose weight. I want to be more healthy. I want to get more clients. Okay, I can get that. No. Why is that important to you putting all of my stuff down? And I just really, really want to understand them.

I have this nifty little four-part formula of how we can handle these conversations, disagreements objectives really, really effectively

So there, we are going to listen, we are going to accept, we are going to validate, and then we are going to suggest, we have to do those first three before they are ever open to anything else that we are going to bring in. So now, we will go through each one a little more.

Step one is to full out listen, without any of your own stuff going on, but coming from that place of being curious

One of the biggest mistakes that we often make when someone says a question or objection, whatever is we want to respond really quickly with an answer. Oh, yeah. Oh, totally. I know exactly where you are, I totally understand it. My program completely covers that just cut them off right in. Oh, oh, honey, I get where you are. You are right. We have not had a lot of time you have no problem. Let me fix that easy peasy.

We think we are being helpful. And what actually happens is in the person in front of us in their eyes, we’re actually contradicting them.

We have jumped right in. We have shut them right down. We have not really listened to them. And so they’re we’ve just built a little mini wall and we totally unintentionally because we’re like, Oh, I get it. I know. biggest, biggest little first lightning bolt, which I’d like to talk about as soon as you think, you know, problem. Because we are not having enough space then. I know what they say, I know what they are thinking and they have not actually told me, I’ve just made it up in my mind.

When we do this, this starts to create this disharmony. Write this, you start to feel the tension. So that’s where we want to just stop. We want to slow it down. And we really, really want to listen, and we want to fully listen. We want to let the person talk everything out, say everything they need to say in this situation, even though we may know what is coming, and based on our experience, we actually might truly know what’s coming. But we don’t want to interrupt them. We want to let them speak, and this comes from that space where they start to feel really understood. And really, it’s only through letting them have their full say that we can really clearly understand what’s really bothering them. What really is the issue what really is the question they may have.

Step one is to full out listen, without any of your own stuff going on, but coming from that place of being curious

I am pretty sure I know what’s coming. What if there is something, I do not know? What if there is something I’m missing? What if, they share a new piece of information? I am going to come from that place of being fully present, to fully hear what’s on their mind and what they’re concerned about.

Step two is to accept

Then, I am going to accept that whatever they say, I am going to recognize that. Okay, you have just raised a very valid point. I am going to have thoughtful consideration from what you said. Because the reality is, this is our potential buyer. And in their world, this is a concern for them.

This is your partner; this is a concern for them. For them it is true. So, this is that space where You don’t actually have to agree, You don’t have to think. Okay, but you are totally wrong and totally crazy, you know, but it’s that space for them, it’s true. So it is just really coming to that place of acceptance and agreements that I get it free view. That is true. And this is where you might say something like, oh, okay, I understand where you’re coming from. Okay. From your position I can I can see what you mean there. So maybe then let us take another look at this. Let us just check in for sure, and make sure whether my program is going to cover really, what you are looking for.

Whether my service will help you with these areas, because it shows that you are willing to go back to that and you are listening to what their biggest concerns are. Okay, honey, I see so, you are not really, sure how this date night, two nights a week is going to have your needs be met. Let us go back and look at exactly what this would look like if we get the babysitter and if they come so, I gather maybe it is more around the timing. Two hours is not enough quality time for you.

What would really work for you as if maybe we had dinner a movie and then we went for a nice walk? So there is conversation time and maybe you know, we just please put four hours in our schedule for time alone with that work for you. Because I really need to hear them out. And I want to be able to step into their shoes and see the objection or the skepticism that they may have from their position. So if I really believed this was a problem, if I really believe this was an objection, I was skeptical about the amount of time spent or if this program was going to work for me. What would that look like? Can I understand it from that place? Does not mean you have to agree. But I’m just I’m going to, let me see, let me try it on. Because I might gain some more perspective, from their point of view to be able to have the conversation a little bit easier.

Because when we do this, they are never going to come over to our side or want to really hear what we say, until they feel like we completely understand them. Until they feel like we have taken the time pay the attention to really, really hear them.

Step three is to validate

And then comes this validation, this point where I can say, Okay, I really understand your position. I get where you’re at. I could see that. If I were you, I might feel that way too, If I really felt like I have been doing all the things I know I should do, I’ve been following my eating plan. I have been exercising three days a week. And then, I get if I just come at you and say, Hey, I’m going to create a new eating plan workout plan for you. You might be a little, I might be skeptical. I might be like, what am I missing here?

You know, so it is really it’s validating where they’re at, because then we can we understand their position. Open, if there is going to be an opening. They are going to be okay, I am willing to, at least listen to you. I am willing to hear you. And they have put down their stuff enough to actually hear you instead of holding on to that little piece. That Yeah, but Well, yeah, but no, I do not think you really understood me, so I am constantly holding on to that piece to interject with you. But I feel completely heard and understood. I will be willing to be open as well you potential clients, your children, your spouse, your partner, your mother, your sister, and your brother, pretty much anybody. But it requires these, these really conscientious steps in the beginning that sometimes take a little bit of time.

Step Four: now you can make a suggestion

It is that willingness to put down my stuff, to fully understand someone else, and then I can make a suggestion. And so when I’m ready to make a suggestion, it needs to come from two places. One, I need to start from where they are at. So, I need to be like, okay, I accept that your, your viewpoint is the status quote. This is it. Okay, I’m accepting your position. This is where you are coming from. Got it, Okay. And then, my suggestion for this to be super effective, would actually improve their position. So it’s coming from a place that’s giving them everything they already Have, plus some additional benefits to them. And I’m going to if I’ve done a really great job of listening in the beginning and finding out really where they are, what they want, what’s important to them, why they want these things, I’m going to be able to show or communicate how what I have is actually even more of a benefit for them.

I love this little skateboarding lightbulb thing because I am thinking, oh, let us say someone wants to get to work efficiently and they do not want to drive. So I am like, yeah, no, that is why I want to work. I want to work because I know I can get there on time, I do not have to worry about traffic, literally is the best mode of transportation for me to get to work. Okay, I get it. Have you ever thought about a skateboard? Because a skateboard you can avoid traffic. You can get to work on time, You’re totally in control of that, and though it might be a little bit more efficient, and you might even be less sweaty, which would give you extra time to, you know, get repaired before your meetings.

Oh, I get it improves my position a little bit. You know. So it’s like the, the person with the weight loss. Okay, I get it. She was struggling with the weight loss you want you have been doing the diet plan, do you want the diet plan, you want the workout plan and do the workout plan. You want me to meet with you once a week; we are going to meet once a week. And here is the other thing that actually I am going to offer you. Is that I’m actually going to give you a guided visualization, I’m going to help you get your mind onboard to this, we’re going to really look at kind of these limiting beliefs so we can actually uncover some of the mental blocks that you might not even be aware of that are stopping you.

So I get it, we are going to do all the traditional things that we know that work. But we’re going to tweak them a little bit to get you better results, and I’m going to give you these other things. It is going to make this even a little bit more easier, a little more pleasant for you.

Oh, so I am going to improve the position right. Hey! Honey! You know what, I get it, so you want some alone time. You want more quality time with me. So okay, we are going to get the babysitter. We are going to go out for dinner, we are going to go for a movie, do a walk one night. And then how about once a month? We actually do like a weekend away or every six weeks. What about that? So then sometimes, whereas we try really busy, we only do get maybe one date night because I have some late night meetings. What if, then we have a weekend away every six weeks? Oh, boy, I really like that, and you get to pick the spot that we go to.

Amazing! I love it. Oh, so great. Right. So how do we kind of improve their position? And, and now that we’ve done steps, one, two, and three, they’re more open to hearing it. And then there might even be a conversation that comes in Oh, I really love that. Oh, now they are thinking oh, I had not thought about that. So, tell me why you think this would work. Oh, great, love it. But we have to do one, two and three, and often we want to skip those, especially when it’s challenging to validate things that totally go against everything we think of. It is like, hell no.

So again, the four-part formula, right? Listen, really, really, really, really, really well, except validate, and suggest.

Now, for this to work requires this little magic secret sauce. Because it is simply not enough to go through the steps for me to just say, yeah, I am listening. I hear you, except I validate got it. I am just waiting really to get to where I can tell you my suggestion does not work.

For this to work – you have to actually change your mindset a little bit.

You have to approach this From that space of when you’re hearing someone say something and you’re like, I am absolutely not validating their victimhood, no frickin way I hear they’re a victim. I am not validating that I’m not accepting that, that goes against everything I do.

Know that you are, you are not actually agreeing with them being a victim, or validating that victim point of view. What you are validating and accepting is that this is true for them. This is where they are coming from. If you thought what they thought if you had the experiences, they experienced, perhaps you would be in that spot too. So it’s really about shifting a little bit of how you’re looking at this and being open and being curious and made. And also from that point of view, I think, especially in business, we can often get really attached to our models in our way of doing things. And so, and I have definitely been guilty of this a lot, where someone will show up with a different model of way of doing something, and I’m not even really listening because I’m so sure that my way is the right way.

And all I can see is everything that’s wrong with their point of view, and the model that they’re sharing. Whereas if I can put my stuff down, change my mindset and go, I’m going to, I’m going to show up open, I’m emptying my cup, and I’m going to be like, Okay, let me fully hear them. And then I can I still don’t have to agree with the method of what they’re doing, but I can accept that for them. It’s true and for them, it has worked. But if I come in with this self righteous place, and I get all the evidence in the world that my way works my way works every single time. I know it does. I still need to put it down and be open. If I want to actually have a conversation with someone that can be effective, not the easiest thing to do requires practice and work. And the closer you are to someone, the closer you are to, to the work that you’re doing, the more passionate we are, I find that the more challenging it can be, to put it down.

So but it’s required. Then is the intention, what is my intention for having this conversation? And I think if we shift the intention to, I want to help people, I want to see if this is a fit. I want to be curious, and I want to be open minded. My intention is to actually connect with this person here their point of view. Then, it makes the other pieces easier, but without the shift in mindset without the really clear intention, having the Conversations effectively is, is almost impossible, you might luck out a little bit, and sometimes you’ll be able to do it if you’re just running the steps. But I think this is one of those things where, at an unconscious level, we know when people aren’t really listening to us, we know when people are just kind of repeating things back to us and doing the steps.

So you really want to do your own, own work where you can show up in that curious place. Because when you do that, their level of resistance drops hugely, and I think we have probably all been in situations where I have had conversations with someone, and where we know when we felt really listened to what we felt really heard where we felt really understood. We feel more open for the feedback, we feel more open to do something different.

And sometimes even like, I never thought I’d actually be agreeing to that but okay, I’m also Give it a go. I hear you, and I feel like I have been heard you understand where I am coming from. So let us see what happens. And then we’ve all been in those conversations when someone comes in and says, No, that’s not going to work. This is what is going to work. Yeah, but here is the thing, it does not matter. How have you results been in the past? Is that been working for you? No. Okay. This is how it’s going to be. And we’re like, right resistance. So those are my four, four step things for kind of how to have these conversations with people that either you disagree with, or you’d like to make different suggestions that you think would help somebody.

In my experience, they’ve worked in my opinion. It’s very useful and yeah, questions, comments, thoughts, barking dogs. That’s the way it goes, let’s see. Okay, fine. This can be a hangout spot for many myself included to know at this stage to come from where they are, as we can offer want to want to know, at this stage, take this opportunity to share our perspective, our knowledge, our state of mind. Exactly, exactly It’s often not easy to just listen and let people fully talk it out really, you know, in step four, is this where I could include research relating to their objection, totally. No time to include stories and informative presentation, presentation and not professional in any case, for sure that you can include based, and this is that part where you can bring in what you know is important to them. Right? So, I really want to be able to communicate better and do a presentation that people remember. And honestly, I don’t think I have time to include stories. I hear what you are saying, I get that, especially if you only have, you know, half an hour to do a presentation, it can really feel like if I put the story in here, that is going to eat up five minutes of my time, and I really have important and you know, you have important information to share.

Well, I would like to offer a suggestion. And this is actually based on some research that I’ve just read or been following for a while, that if we take the time to tell stories, people actually and I’m making this up, people actually engage with us better, it actually helps to make your presentation more memorable. People will remember more of what they saw of what you said, and they are actually more likely to commit With you, I get that it can seem counterintuitive, and we wonder how we can fit this in. And really, that’s, that’s what my program is all about is helping you do this in an effective way, do not lose all the important information you need to share and find a way to incorporate this story that people really remember, not only you, but what you said and can take that and implement it into their life.

Georgee: Right, like, I am going back, I am bringing it in, I am validating them, and I hear you. And now I can share some information.
Georgee: Kind of like that.
Patty: Just like that. Easy peasy.

Georgee: That is like that, right. It’s, and this is where awesome, great, love it. So cool, You know, I’ve never thought about that point of view. Tell me more about that. How does that work for you? Super curious. Okay, I get it. And again, it’s that intention to connect Coming from that place of, like, I totally don’t understand where that’s coming from help me understand it because I’m curious.

Georgee: Yeah,

Patty: that, that intention piece is so big. I would just as, as I was taking in what you had to say about the intention, I am like, it is dangerous to do this, like it’s dangerous to empty your cup and go in with the intention of listening and understanding. Because it is possible in that communication that we could find out that, our suggestion is not that great. Our perspective maybe is not a good fit, maybe we do not have the right answer, maybe this person we’re talking to really has a point, maybe this is going to lead to uncovering a weakness or flaw in a program that we are offering.

It might put us on shaky ground when we realize that the real problem is not the thing that we are trying to solve, and we might not have an answer. So, I think this is that there’s, there’s a real vulnerability that will come up for you in this process.

I think it’s a great thing, I think if we’re open to it, there’s lots of places like, God, there’s, you know, for one thing, it just really validates what we’ve been talking to with our clients about having flexibility in your offers and being prescriptive about what you’re offering to people. So in a sales conversation, this process may actually uncover that they only need half of your program or they need half of your program, plus something You’re not currently offering but you could do, Or you could bring in someone else to do that it opens up opportunities. And you may find yourself it’s like, oh, wow, this 12 step program that I spent six months carefully mapping out, actually doesn’t fit for people actually doesn’t fit for this one particular human being that I’m having this conversation with.

And it might mean things like, I have to go back to the drawing board here, or I need to rethink this remodel it do it differently. So, I think it provides wonderful information. And this is the idea of doing these conversations to get that information. Like, when an objection comes up, or a tough question or a very distinct point of view comes up, like almost a conflict. It is like, inner internal, happy dance. How incredibly amazing and awesome that you are getting Adding this information, this stuff is gold, it is absolute gold. Anytime there is a complaint, anytime there is an objection. It is like there is such an opportunity to learn.

You can become better. Like, so, so, so many ways, but yeah, it’s dangerous that you know, even as you’re explaining it, it’s like, I’m thinking about specific situations because of course, we’ve talked about this, this is a problem I run into all the time. Not so bad in the sales conversations. But when I’m actually working with clients, because part of what I’m saying is, you’re paying me good money for my advice. Why are you not taking it?

Georgee: Exactly, Okay, let me get into your world a little bit here. Talk to me, and let me get my thing down, and let me see if I can hear you and where, where you’re at, and the other piece of this too, which is so uncomfortable and can be such a great learning places for me I really get to recognize. There is my ego showing up really harshly here. Oh, here’s my internal fears of feeling like, Oh, I’m not good enough, Oh, they think I don’t know what I’m talking about, you know? Oh, they are just totally judging me, Oh; they are going to think I am an idiot.

Like, all my own internal stuff starts coming up, and so as I am trying to shove that stuff down with justify why you should work with me, why my ways the right way. And now, personally the other side is just like, a back off lady. You know, and it does not. So, there’s so many learnings that can come up from this. And those have been personally like, Oh, isn’t that interesting? Here comes my stuff again.

Where ends Then it’s you know, where’s where else is that showing up? Where my own lack of self-confidence? Or, if I feel like, you know, I’m being judged on what I’m saying and not smart enough and all of that stuff, where else is it showing up? What would happen if I actually put that down?

Georgee: Maybe I do not know. What? Right, someone is paying me to know.

Patty: Yeah, or maybe the, you know, in my case, it is like, maybe the, not right way can be workable. It’s kind of like, I found that once I did slow down and start listening, and it’s like, okay, where are you coming from? Right, help me understand, and see, and then, to truly kind of get onto that side of the table and see things from the same angle, right? It is like instead of looking at it, is it us versus them kind of a thing. It is like, okay, we are going to hop over onto your site, see things through your eyes. And it’s like, okay, maybe not the path I would choose, doesn’t mean it’s not workable. There is always multiple ways to get from A to B.

Patty: And then shift my mindset to, how can I assist in making this work? This is what you are comfortable with. I am flexible, I’m going to flex and let’s do it your way, and I will just do what I can do to augment it and help make it better and wouldn’t you know, all of a sudden, things feel a lot more collaborative instead of combative.

Georgee: Exactly!

Patty: But I have to kind of, swallow the idea that I know everything and because I am the consultant here, they should be doing it my way or whatever it is like, nope, nope, I am just there to help improve their situation. I am going to do what I can do to do that.

Georgee: Exactly Yeah, I am the guide.
Patty: Yeah, I am the guide but sometimes, but sometimes as the guide, I am not going in front so much as just kind of trailing behind.
Georgee: Yeah!
Patty: it just kind of like okay, what? Watch out for the rock in front of you. Here, this will be really helpful. You look thirsty here some water, right? It is just I don’t like.
Georgee: exactly!
Patty: I do not know to be the one say, “come one, fallow me”.
Georgee: Yeah, it is so true, so true.
Patty: Yeah.
Georgee: Yeah, like I say it’s, it’s, it’s, it sounds like four simple steps. And there’s a lot in those four simple steps.

Patty: It’s all the stuff that you talked about, It’s all that stuff that unworthiness it it’s like it especially when I’m working with clients, I go in to this, like, holy crap, he paid me money to help you do this. You know, it is like, why are you resisting me? It’s part of it, it is like, seriously, how can I do my job but it’s just like I go into the, you’re not letting me do my job. You are not letting me help you. This is this is going to be a train wreck, Right?

Georgee: Exactly, exactly. It is so true, it is so true, and, you know, I think this has happened to me this morning on the live that we did that I did before this one. You are talking about purpose. So what does my partner say? He is like, it is not like, you are going to walk into a workshop and in one day, you are going to get your purpose.

I teach a workshop right guarantee you are going to get your purpose when you walk out the door. Right? So, it is like, Okay, so here we have the conversation, and then what does this look like? Right? And yeah, I get it from for that to happen. We have to go back into our past it may not be perfect, but there is so many pieces to it. But literally it’s that space of identity is based on I do this workshop, get your thing, you know what I mean? But, but it’s like, okay, literally in my mind, this is what, what goes on.

So, I wonder what place he’s coming from, I wonder what else he is thinking. Tell me more about. So how did you find your purpose? Tell me what that looks like for you. Oh, well it goes through and there was lots of layers. Lots, I totally agree with all of that. And, I know that when we go through that I what I can do is help you articulate your purpose in a day. Got it, based on all this other information, right? But it’s, it’s in that space, so, it’s kind of interesting that this is the thing of the day and literally this morning, I’m like, almost first thing out of his mouth. Now You’re going to do this in a day.

Georgee: True, and so, so funny.
Patty: Hilarious.
Georgee: So fast like, oh, here we go.
Patty: It is really awesome, it’s about such an opportunity to learn and grow.
Georgee: totally!
Patty: you know.
Georgee: Totally!
Patty: race of emptying the cup to. It is just it’s, you know, in some ways it is very freeing. It is like, well, I do not have to know.

Georgee: Exactly. And, literally this morning like, I know this. So this is what I know we’re talking about purpose. We have not discussed anything about what we are going to say. Even really what our views are. I do not even know him very well. So, my whole internal dialogue is what if he says something I don’t believe? What if, he totally says something that is right off, of what I say. What do people believe him and not me? Oh my gosh, like, maybe we should have planned, maybe this is crazy, maybe I hope I have internet difficulties today because now I don’t even know if I want to go through with this.

You know, all this, all this stuff starts. These are the internal things they that happened in my mind. And then I’m like, Okay, that was another that. What do I know for sure? I know I really like him, I know I really trust him, I know, I know our values mine up and I know our purpose is lineup. Here we go. You know, and it just opens up the opportunities for question, and the thing is, the more you practice is the faster you get at it, right?

Literally, when he is saying you cannot find your purpose. You are not going to go to your workshop and find your purpose in a day. Like I am going okay. Is that true? In what situations could that be true? What really goes into me being able to help someone find their purpose in a day? This is actually a lot of work that I really believe I found mine a day, no I hadn’t, like I’m running this stuff at like Mach Speed to be able to go. Okay, Oh, so tell me what that looks like for you How do you find your purpose give me some information so that we can have a dialogue so the more you practice it the you do get faster at it before you’re just in shutdown mode. But yeah, those are the things that are going literally like again this is the ego stuff coming up what if I’m like stupid people say you do that why thing like oh my god all the craziness that comes up.

Patty: it is a great observation in the chat right now. About this is a place for name it to tame it.
Georgee: Oh, totally. I am so freaking lately.
Patty: Oh, there is my no at all go.
Georgee: Oh, yeah. Hello, oh, there is Miss Little Miss righteous hopping up on a soapbox. Check. You know, and the fear right? Oh, there is my little fear monster coming in again. It is a, Yeah, So good, so good. Name it to tame it and then it is true, but and it is that awareness. You recognize it. And then, it’s like, Okay, internet works. Awesome. We are here to have a conversation, great, love it.

Patty: I think I think there is value in having a difference of opinion.
Georgee: Totally!

Georgee: I totally agree. Because you see things from different, different perspectives and things, you did not think about. And I think especially when you’ve been doing things for a long time, and then it’s you can almost have such strong blinders on that you do start to miss things coming in, so when someone’s like, yeah, I’m not sure I totally agree with that. To be able to put your stuff down and go Tell me more. And really the opening to hear it. I think that is where a lot of growth happens a lot of change happens. A lot of this is how we, you know, evolve programs and things that we teach and that we do, where you are like, Oh my gosh! I looked at this thing. Way, way, back when I first started it so different then what I would do now and sometimes-complete opposites, right? It is like, oh, yeah, I cannot even believe I thought that was so different.

Patty: totally, totally in exactly the same cap. And that too, is another place where it’s like, okay, there’s the ego coming up. Can I discard this stuff? How do I walk it back? I have been saying these things for so many years. And now I’m going to do an about face and say, Actually, no, not that.

Georgee: Not that. Yeah.
Patty: I have been talking about putting services into packages for years, years and years and years and years. Now. I am like, no, no, don’t do that. Do not do that do not do the packages do not
Georgee: stop.
Patty: until, until, until level two level to be able to do it. But, that doesn’t do a disservice in level one.

Georgee: But it’s the, it’s the flexibility and I think it’s really exciting often when we can have those, those shifts in perspective, those like, oh, wow, like it’s, you can almost feel it in your brain when it happens when it’s like, I actually never thought about that. Like that never even entered my mind.

Patty: Yeah.
Georgee: I think I am going to give that a try and see what happens.
Patty: Exactly.

Georgee: Like, it is so, so cool. Because yeah, things change. They totally change, and we change, and we grow, and we you know, Have all that have different perspectives and different learnings. And, you know, my guess is if I had a child now, which I would not really want to do, it would be a very different experience than when I was, you know, 24 having my first baby.

Like the things that I was really sure about them very different now, very different. So we are always evolving, learning changing, our environments are shifting. And I think that’s sometimes where we get stuck, even, even if we look at things globally, we’ve been trying to run the same systems and the same beliefs and the same thoughts for, like, hundreds and hundreds, thousands of years. And it’s like, oh, wait a second. What if there is a different way What if there is a different perspective? What if we tried this because it kind of just been doing this stuff and maybe there’s maybe there’s a different way.

Patty: This is all made me think about synergy. Stephen Covey’s seven habits, right? Just this idea that when you come together with the differences, and you can have a conversation around that you can look for, for, you know, look for the third alternative, right? What is a way that is better, better than your way and better than my way that gets both of our needs met, and I think that this is a beautiful thing to bring into a sales conversation with a client? It’s kind of like, how can I add my thing to what they’re doing in order to create something that’s more wonderful for them? And it’s like when you come in with that perspective, it becomes more of a question and more about curiosity, and way less about how do I sell them my thing?

Georgee: Exactly.
Patty: How do I do that? Get them to go to see things my way. How do I persuade them to take my program or to do things the way I am proposing?

Like, how do I just close this sale? Yeah, it I think so many of the pressures can be lifted if we come in from this place of really being curious, really talking to people really finding out what it is that they want, can I help them? Can we do this together? What’s the, what is a some collaborative team look like to help you get what it is you want, where you want to go?

Patty: Now, what are the exciting possibilities, and I think for those of us who see ourselves as, as creative and innovative as idea generators, kind of, you know, coming from that perspective, this can make those conversations exciting.
Georgee: Totally.
Patty: Like what cool, creation could come out of this conversation.

Georgee: Exactly, exactly. It’s, it’s really exciting. Like, I think, imagine if you had like 10 people working on the same problem, but they all have their own way of solving it, and everybody was able to put their thing down and be like, here’s what I’ve noticed. Oh, like, oh, how would your thing fit with my thing? Oh and then how would that fit here? Like, talk about incredibly exciting. I think that you know, and it’s, it’s like anything the challenge comes with, can I put my own ego down? Can I empty my own jar, to really be able to hear what someone else is saying? And be willing to? To take it on and try it?

Patty: Yeah, you know, it also makes me think about, there’s this awesome little short TED talk from Derek Severs about Leadership where he talks about it’s the, the second person that makes the leader a leader right like that. Just this idea of like you could put down your way and say, oh, that guy’s got a great idea, I’m going to follow there and contribute to that rather than they do their thing. I do my thing. But great TED Talk, by the way, if you want to. It is a Derrick server on leadership. Hosted three minutes, it is awesome.

Georgee: Three minutes well spent.
Patty: Three minutes well spent, exactly. Where are we ignoring our Facebook people?

Georgee: No, okay, okay, checking in, just let them know, just checking in over there, just take a peek. Yeah, sorry, I have not been paying that much attention to our chat either, Sorry Zoomers.

Georgee: Yeah, so much about letting go of your own need to be right or to be an expert or be the one with the expertise. This happens a lot with leaders as well, and something I always bring into leadership coaching and communication programs. Same as our personal relationships, being willing to be humble, authentic and vulnerable and determining what your sense of confidence his face.

Yeah, it’s not easy sometimes, but man, is it? Is it worth it? And I think the other thing about it too, is when you have that space in that vulnerability, you can actually go back and go, hang on a second. You know what, honestly, can you repeat everything you just said, because really, I was not listening. I was just thinking about my own stuff, and how I could respond to you and I did not hear anything you said, and I really like to hear you. So I am going to, I am going to empty my cup right now, I am going to put my stuff down, and I actually want to hear what you have to say. You can actually do that you have permission to go back.

Patty: it is so awesome. Is it that like, there is that honesty get out of jail free card again? Right?
Georgee: Exactly.
Patty: It is like just too just be present and vulnerable and it is, it just has a comment in the chat being vulnerable. It is not easy at all, but it makes you feel liberated. Exactly. It’s, it’s true, it’s in some ways I similes I think it’s our perception is that it’s not going to be easy, because the lived experience of it is least for me, my experience.
Georgee: Totally, exactly.
Patty: So yeah, let us back up here.
Georgee: Yeah, hang on a second. Yeah, you know,
Patty: I am not sure we are on exactly the same page here. Can we start this conversation? Again? Let me listen harder.

Georgee: Yeah, exactly. I took a wrong turn somewhere and I am all can we can we start again? Okay, and oftentimes in let us say it is just that honesty, that vulnerability and the reaction because it’s real. You know, it is like, and I think we have all been there so people relate to that. Yeah, let me listen with both ears. Yeah, exactly, me shut my mouth, oh my ears. So true, so true, so yeah, so happy practicing.

Patty: Yes, happy practicing. Yeah, there’s a full issue challenged to pay attention to the next opportunity you have to do this. Yeah, to put it into practice because it can be a real, real game changer.
Georgee: Yeah. Any other questions, comments, concerns, just message us, and email us.

Patty: bring them on Friday. Yeah, our raw weekly review and our big five oh, a celebration. Friday is Episode 50, and we are going to have cake. So bring your cake and eat with us and we are going to have a celebration on the review. We are going to share some of the things that we have been learning in this course that we are taking as well as some other random stuff. And yes, we will have cake and we will eat it too or at least I will.

Georgee: about balance.
Patty: Excellent. How we do balance Tatiana’s Take, her she is going to have some good
Georgee: Oh no, I am going to have Cake.
Patty: Have a wonderful day and a wonderful tomorrow, and we will see you back here on Friday. Nice day, bat-time, same bat-channel.

Georgee: spear fingers, I cannot do the spear fingers.